It’s a question people would often ask me, but I couldn’t ask myself -until now.

When responsibilities tie you down, or those you care about need you, your entire mental RAM is used up, not leaving space for that famous “what about you?”

I sometimes receive heart-felt letters from readers telling me “I want to spend a few months abroad, but…” Family. Kids. Work. Anything! And I emphasize because it helps me realize that I’m not the only one with these concerns.

Take my story, for example. When the picture of me, above, was taken in late November, I already had a long list of Italian translation clients and my apartment reserved in Rome. The world just waiting for me.

When January finally came, I was smiling from ear to ear, but a long series of events, which had nothing to do with me, rained on my parade. Yes. Just about everything began to happen to every one I care about. Little things. Big things. All things. One after another. Non-stop. “I can’t leave them like this!” I would tell myself. Survivor’s guilt set in, so I waited. Just one month, I would say. One more month. Another.

Suddenly, things began to clear up for them at the same time. The same day t.o. e.v.e.r.y. o.n.e! As if some mysterious purpose had been met. Done. Poof. Solved. How is that possible? Really. How?

Naturally, now everyone is happy and moving forward, again, and what about me? Every time I look at the picture on the left, which was taken in January, I’m reminded of how sad I was back then.

We all need to find our balance between kids, family, friends, responsibilities, and our own pursuits. Because you know what? One day, that job will end, current problems will be solved, kids will grow up. Yes, and what about you? You also need to take care of you.

I am now more determined than ever to finish medical school in Rome, which I’ve known I wanted to do ever since I was a child. Now, my goals are front and center, no matter what, no matter who.

Though I studied school in San Francisco, where my dad’s family lives, as a child, my parents made sure I spent a lot of time in the agave lined rolling hills of Jalisco, where mom’s brothers and sisters have side-by-side ranches just over an hour from a town called Tequila. Downtown, my adobe bedroom window faced the hospital gardens where the neighborhood children would gather to play by the fountain. While children played, I preferred to sit by the hall chapel where I was able study the nuns as they took care of patients. I remember those days as if it was today.

One day, as I looked up the cobble stone road, I saw an elderly couple running towards me in full panic mode with an unconscious blood-covered child in their arms. Scenes like this were frequent. I felt an urge to do something, but couldn’t, which sparked inside me the goal to one day study medicine.

Those childhood summers in Jalisco are a big part of who I am today. I thank Spanish for allowing me to gain fluency in Italian, and my Latin blood and culture for allowing me to blend in Italy, and my San Francisco life for what it’s taught me about multi-culturalism and medicine before I finish medicine in Rome.

After high school in the San Francisco Bay, I studied medical assisting, and worked in the intensive care unit as I studied pre-medicine at the University of California, Davis, where I was also chosen to be part of the school of medicine’s health clinic for the uninsured where we began to practice patient care… a program I did not finish because I was admitted to an Italian University, which turned in to 4 years away in several different countries on both sides of the world… I returned to California to help loved ones in events that had nothing to do with me, but I still managed to work at pediatric intensive care unit, followed by medical interpretations and translations as I prepared to move to Rome.

Now that everyone is fine, I’m left reflecting on everything I’ve seen over the years and wondering if it will help me, or hurt me, during the rigors of med school, because I’m much, much, much older than the other medical students. In Italy they start med school at 18! Argh. So I’m a dinosaur! Which is why I prefer to avoid the med-school subject altogether. *sigh* But this is a field that draws me, it’s my life-long passion.

Finally, I left the San Francisco Bay a couple weeks ago, and set a lot of things in motion. I’m sitting waiting for a couple Jalisco certificates that I’ve been processing for 2 years now, because I’ll be using both passports, both citizenships. Trust me. My situation is very unique, the logistics are very complex, and I’m at the mercy of 3 different embassies. I really do like to do things my own unique way, can you tell?

I couldn’t take this waiting, so my original goal was to be in Rome in February, and come back this month for these documents, but now I have to wait here until they’re done. Having to wait is absolutely killing me. What counts is that I get to stay in Rome for at least 5 years, and I’d like to test into 3rd year medical school.

I’ll thank myself once I’m done.

No. I originally really didn’t want to blog about what I’ve been up to, family, and medical school, which is why I was so mysterious on the last post, but here it is. All of it. All of me.

Though, after today, I will leave medicine out. This is a Rome blog. This time I made an exception in order to answer a few comments on the previous post, and give a bigger picture of the person behind this blog. I will take a couple weeks off, then I’ll return with daily posts from Rome.

I close this post with my favorite phrase which is narrated at the end of the 2007 Italian Film “Ho Voglia di Te” as the camera graces us with a bird’s eye view of Rome.

Nessuno fa caso all’acqua che evapora dopo le piogge.

Perchè quando torna il sole, poco importa se in quell’acqua ci sono anche le lacrime spese a piangere per amore, per dolore.

L’acqua evapora, torna nell’aria e torna nei nostri polmoni, respirando il vento che ci investe il viso, e le lacrime tornano dentro di noi, come le cose che abbiamo perso; ma nulla si perde davvero.

Ogni secondo che passa, ogni luna che sorge, non fanno altro che dirti “vivi, vivi e ama quello che sei, comunque tu sia, ovunque tu sia. Guarda in alto verso il sole, chiudi gli occhi e non stancarti mai di sognare”

To liven things up, here’s an American song, with Latin beats, given a Mediterranean touch Enjoy!

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